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Is it possible to be totally partial?

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Partial
Totally
Possible

More quotes by Steven Wright

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What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?
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Black holes result from God dividing the universe by zero.
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Why are they called buildings when they’re already finished? Shouldn’t they be called builts?
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If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
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The best kind of friend is the kind you sit with, never say a word and walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you ever had.
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Winny would spend all of his time practicing limbo. He got pretty good. He could go under a rug.
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If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
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I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.
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George Carlin's album, 'Class Clown,' came out when I was in high school. I memorized a lot of that album. I'd come home from school, put it on, and listen over and over. I started memorizing it. I don't even know why. I loved it so much I memorized it.
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Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
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My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon's appointments.
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I'm addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn't matter.
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If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
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You know what scares me? When you have to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenic, just because she lives in your head.
Steven Wright
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My friend Winnie is a procrastinator. He didn't get his birth mark til he was eight years old.
Steven Wright
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I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note. It's a start.
Steven Wright
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I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
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Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
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Be nice to your children. After all, they are going to choose your nursing home.
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Did you sleep well? No, I made a couple of mistakes.
Steven Wright