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Is it possible to be totally partial?

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Partial
Totally
Possible

More quotes by Steven Wright

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It's very intense to be in front of a live audience. It's just an amazing experience. It's dangerous. Everything out there is heightened. The bad stuff is extra-worse. The silences are extra-silent. The good stuff is amazing. It's electric when you walk out there. For 90 minutes, you're on this other planet.
Steven Wright
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Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery's dead?
Steven Wright
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Hermits have no peer pressure.
Steven Wright
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I didn't tell any of my friends that I wanted to be a comedian, because I was superstitious. I thought if I told people, it wouldn't happen. So I kept it all in my head for years and years.
Steven Wright
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I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side.
Steven Wright
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I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Steven Wright
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Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
Steven Wright
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The sky is falling. No, I'm tipping over backwards.
Steven Wright
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I collect rare photographs... I have two... One of Houdini locking his keys in his car... the other is a rare picture of Norman Rockwell beating up a child.
Steven Wright
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For my sister's 50th birthday, I sent her a singing mammogram.
Steven Wright
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Consciousness: That annoying time between naps
Steven Wright
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Is it weird in here, or is it just me?
Steven Wright
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When I have a kid, I want to buy one of those strollers for twins. Then put the kid in and run around, looking frantic. When he gets older, I'd tell him he used to have a brother, but he didn't obey.
Steven Wright
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I need one of those baby monitors from my subconscious to my consciousness so I can know what the hell I'm really thinking about.
Steven Wright
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Why is it lemon juice contains mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?
Steven Wright
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Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
Steven Wright
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Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.
Steven Wright
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I made a chocolate cake with white chocolate. Then I took it to a potluck. I stood in line for some cake. They said, Do you want white cake or chocolate cake? I said, yes.
Steven Wright
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I kept a diary right after I was born. Day 1: Tired from the move. Day 2: Everyone thinks I'm an idiot.
Steven Wright
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If I ever had twins, I'd use one for parts.
Steven Wright