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Does fuzzy logic tickle?
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Tickle
Fuzzy
Logic
Doe
More quotes by Steven Wright
I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side.
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What do batteries run on?
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When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'
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My friend Winnie is a procrastinator. He didn't get his birth mark til he was eight years old.
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Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
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Women... can't live with 'em...... can't shoot 'em
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At one point he decided enough was enough.
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I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.
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Why is it lemon juice contains mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?
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My aunt gave me a walkie-talkie for my birthday. She says if I'm good, she'll give me the other one next year.
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I saw a close friend of mine the other day. . . . He said, Stephen, why haven't you called me? I said, I can't call everyone I want. My new phone has no five on it. He said, How long have you had it? I said, I don't know . . . my calendar has no sevens on it.
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I wrote a song, but I can't read music so I don't know what it is. Every once in a while I'll be listening to the radio and I say, I think I might have written that.
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I've been doing comedy longer than I haven't been doing comedy, as I was performing for three years before I even got on 'The Tonight Show.' There's truly nothing like it it's intense and exhilarating, even though it looks so casual.
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OK, so what's the speed of dark?
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I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
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I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it's like a circus in my head.
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I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'll use it.
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I've never seen electricity, that's why I don't pay for it
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I like to go to art museums and name the untitled paintings... Boy With Pail... Kitten On Fire.
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I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
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