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Does fuzzy logic tickle?

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Fuzzy
Logic
Doe
Tickle

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When I was ten, my pa told me never to talk to strangers. We haven't spoken since.
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I've been thinking of humorous things since I was... I can't remember when. All the way through elementary school, all the way through junior high, all the way through high school, through college and after college, I was thinking of the same kinds of things that I say in front of an audience now.
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After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting out of the water?
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I had my coat hangers spayed.
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Real life? Well, I just hope mine isn't investigated. They might find that I don't really exist - that I'm just a hologram.
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I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology... the study of milkmen.
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always remember your unique, just like everone else
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I don't like the sound of my phone ringing so I put my phone inside my fish tank. I can't hear it, but every time I get a call I see the fish go like this <<<>>><<>><<<<. I go down to the pet store and said, Give me another ten guppies, I got a lot of calls yesterday.
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Whatever happened to preparations A through G?
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I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one out. Now my car goes 500 miles per hour. The harmonica sounds amazing.
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I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it's like a circus in my head.
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OK, so what's the speed of dark?
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I saw a man with a wooden leg and a real foot.
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I wear my heart on my sleeve. I wear my liver on my pant leg.
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I had amnesia once or twice.
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The other day I ... no wait, that wasn't me.
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I recently went to the hardware store and I bought some used paint... it was in a shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included. So I had to buy them again.
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I saw a want ad. light housekeeping. They said Here, change this bulb. I said I'll need some friends.
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If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
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When I was a kid, I never did funny things to get attention. I was never a funny person. I was never, like, 'Oh, wow. I could say this some day on stage.'
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