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Does fuzzy logic tickle?

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Tickle
Fuzzy
Logic
Doe

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I got pulled over by a cop, and he said, 'do you know the speed limit here is 55 miles per hour?'. So I said, 'oh, that's OK, I'm not going that far.'
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Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?
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If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
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I couldn't find the remote control to the remote control.
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I was born. When I was 23 I started telling jokes. Then I started going on television and doing films. That's still what I am doing. The end.
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It's very intense to be in front of a live audience. It's just an amazing experience. It's dangerous. Everything out there is heightened. The bad stuff is extra-worse. The silences are extra-silent. The good stuff is amazing. It's electric when you walk out there. For 90 minutes, you're on this other planet.
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When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually.
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Snakes have no arms. That's why they don't wear vests.
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If I melt dry ice, can I swim without getting wet?
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Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
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I brought a mirror to Lovers' Lane. I told everybody I'm Narcissus.
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I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'
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Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
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Doing stand-up is like running across a frozen pond with the ice breaking behind you. I love it because it's dangerous.
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I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.
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I Xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra Xerox machine.
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The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing.
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When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
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I saw a vegetarian wearing a furry coat. so I looked closer. it was made of grass.
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My house is made out of balsa wood, so when I want to scare the neighborhood kids I lift it over my head and tell them to get out of my yard or I'll throw it at them.
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