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Does fuzzy logic tickle?

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Tickle
Fuzzy
Logic
Doe

More quotes by Steven Wright

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If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
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It's very intense to be in front of a live audience. It's just an amazing experience. It's dangerous. Everything out there is heightened. The bad stuff is extra-worse. The silences are extra-silent. The good stuff is amazing. It's electric when you walk out there. For 90 minutes, you're on this other planet.
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I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking,' but I don't have that much time.
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I wear my heart on my sleeve. I wear my liver on my pant leg.
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There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.
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Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
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Whatever happened to preparations A through G?
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I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit a bookmark.
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If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
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Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?
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always remember your unique, just like everone else
Steven Wright
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I didn't tell any of my friends that I wanted to be a comedian, because I was superstitious. I thought if I told people, it wouldn't happen. So I kept it all in my head for years and years.
Steven Wright
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You know the old joke, I went to the fights and a hockey game broke out.
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In my house on the ceilings I have paintings of the rooms above... so I never have to go upstairs.
Steven Wright
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When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually.
Steven Wright
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I changed my headlights the other day. I put in strobe lights instead! Now when I drive at night, it looks like everyone else is standing still.
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To the audience, it's like I'm changing the subject every five seconds, but to me, my show's almost like a 90-minute song that I know exactly. I wrote every note, and I know exactly where everything is.
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I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast.
Steven Wright
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I was always making my friends laugh but I never wanted the attention of the whole classroom.
Steven Wright
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When I was on TV in the '80s, I wasn't thinking, 'There's a 10-year-old kid watching this and in 15 years, he's gonna be doing stuff that was influenced by me.' I was trying to get my five minutes together. So now that those people are comedians and they're influenced by me - it's bizarre.
Steven Wright