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Does fuzzy logic tickle?
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Tickle
Fuzzy
Logic
Doe
More quotes by Steven Wright
They say we're 98% water. We're that close to drowning. I like to live on the edge.
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Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone...when I came back the entire area was missing.
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Yesterday, my eyeglass prescription ran out.
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Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?
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Why are there five syllables in the word “monosyllabic”?
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I told her I knew when I was going to die because my birth certificate had an expiration date on it.
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Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?
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I went camping and borrowed a circus tent by mistake. I didn't notice until I got it set up. People complained because they couldn't see the lake.
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If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?
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What a nice night for an evening.
Steven Wright
It's a fine night to have an evening.
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If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
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I have not lost my mind - it's backed up on disk somewhere.
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When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.
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Having sex with her is incredible. It's just like a concert. We throw Frisbees around the room. And when she wants more she lights a match.
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I'm used to seeing it, but it's weird having an Academy Award. You usually only see one of them on the TV show when they give them out, so it's kind of surreal to have one in your house.
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I wear a hat on stage so that people won't be blinded by the reflection from my head. Also, if I don't wear a hat, there's no way that the hat can be at that level by itself on the stage.
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Last year we drove across the country...We had one cassette tape to listen to on the entire trip... I don't remember what it was.
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When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do you have any toy train schedules?
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I feel lucky that I can have people laugh solidly for a whole hour by just saying what I think and getting paid for it.
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