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Does fuzzy logic tickle?
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Tickle
Fuzzy
Logic
Doe
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They say you're not supposed to put metal in a microwave oven. They're right.
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Why are there five syllables in the word “monosyllabic”?
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In my house on the ceilings I have paintings of the rooms above... so I never have to go upstairs.
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Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
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I've never seen electricity, that's why I don't pay for it
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I turned my air conditioner the other way around and it got cold out. The weatherman said 'I don't understand it. It was supposed to be 80 degrees out today.' I said, oops
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Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
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Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
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I collect rare photographs... I have two... One of Houdini locking his keys in his car... the other is a rare picture of Norman Rockwell beating up a child.
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Imagine Pulitzer prizefighting.
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Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby and say 'What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life!'
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I kept a diary right after I was born. Day 1: Tired from the move. Day 2: Everyone thinks I'm an idiot.
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If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
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The things I talk about and explain couldn't happen - yet, they don't seem impossible - you could say I talk about the world in an abstract perspective. But then, the world is basically insane - and it's trying to pass itself off as being a sane place. I show it for what it is.
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Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
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Sometimes I wish my first word was 'quote,' so that on my death bed, my last words could be 'end quote.'
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Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery's dead?
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Day One: Still tired from the move.
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My friend Sam has one leg. I went to his house. I couldn't go up the stairs.
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