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Yesterday, my eyeglass prescription ran out.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Eyeglasses
Prescription
Prescriptions
Ran
Yesterday

More quotes by Steven Wright

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They say we're 98% water. We're that close to drowning. I like to live on the edge.
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always remember your unique, just like everone else
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I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.
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Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
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I always thought Johnny Carson was just brilliant, and I used to watch him and all the comics that would be on the show every night - and I'd dream about it being me.
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After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting out of the water?
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Whatever happened to preparations A through G?
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I don't feel that I'm explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I'm not trying to be a mirror, showing them what's really going on the world. All I'm trying to do is think of stuff that's funny, just like when I'm kidding around with my friends.
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If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
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I took a baby shower.
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Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
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I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
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I have a map of the United States... Actual size. It says, 'Scale: 1 mile = 1 mile.' I spent last summer folding it. I hardly ever unroll it. People ask me where I live, and I say, 'E6.
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A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, 'Wish you were here.
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Last year we drove across the country...We had one cassette tape to listen to on the entire trip... I don't remember what it was.
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I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
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I bought some powdered water, but I don’t know what to add.
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A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
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How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
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I'm addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn't matter.
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