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How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Humor
Funny
Didn
Live
Much
Would
Sponges
Deeper
Ocean
More quotes by Steven Wright
I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking,' but I don't have that much time.
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If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
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I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit a bookmark.
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Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
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Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery's dead?
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When I was a kid I had a friend who worked in a radio station. Whenever we walked under a bridge, you couldn't hear what he said.
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I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it's like a circus in my head.
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If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell
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I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note. It's a start.
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Even snakes are afraid of snakes.
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If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?
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I had my coat hangers spayed.
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What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?
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Imagine Pulitzer prizefighting.
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I made a chocolate cake with white chocolate. Then I took it to a potluck. I stood in line for some cake. They said, Do you want white cake or chocolate cake? I said, yes.
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If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
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Does fuzzy logic tickle?
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Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
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My aunt gave me a walkie-talkie for my birthday. She says if I'm good, she'll give me the other one next year.
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The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store . . . with a pricing gun. She said, Give me all of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store.
Steven Wright
