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How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Deeper
Ocean
Humor
Funny
Didn
Live
Much
Would
Sponges
More quotes by Steven Wright
George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk.
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I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
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I don't get up, get dressed, go out, and think, 'Okay, I gotta find eight jokes.'
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I couldn't find the remote control to the remote control.
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When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
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I saw a want ad. light housekeeping. They said Here, change this bulb. I said I'll need some friends.
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I washed mud off of mud.
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I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'll use it.
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When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually.
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I saw a sign at a gas station. It said 'help wanted'. There was another sign below it that said 'self service'. So I hired myself. Then I made myself the boss. I gave myself a raise. I paid myself. Then I quit.
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I'm seeing the world partially through the eyes of a kid. Not all the time. There's no black and white to it. But sometimes I'm seeing it like I'm 4.
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I recently went to the hardware store and I bought some used paint... it was in a shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included. So I had to buy them again.
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You know the old joke, I went to the fights and a hockey game broke out.
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I forgot and left the lighthouse on all night. Next day the sun wouldn't rise.
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If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
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I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
Steven Wright
Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone...when I came back the entire area was missing.
Steven Wright
There's something about being in front of a live audience that's fun. It's a really interesting, very electric, very alive, and intense experience, and you can't get it anywhere else. And I've been doing it since I was 23, so it's part of my being - it's part of my fabric as a person.
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I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
Steven Wright
