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How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Deeper
Ocean
Humor
Funny
Didn
Live
Much
Would
Sponges

More quotes by Steven Wright

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Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
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I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side.
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Women... can't live with 'em...... can't shoot 'em
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I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
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My girlfriend's weird. One day she asked me, 'If you could know how and when you were going to die, would you want to know?' I said, 'No.' She said, 'Okay, forget it.
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The best kind of friend is the kind you sit with, never say a word and walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you ever had.
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Is it weird in here, or is it just me?
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I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.
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Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
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Is it possible to be totally partial?
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I have a map of the united states .... it's original size ... it says one mile equals one mile.
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I wrote a song, but I can't read music so I don't know what it is. Every once in a while I'll be listening to the radio and I say, I think I might have written that.
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It's very intense to be in front of a live audience. It's just an amazing experience. It's dangerous. Everything out there is heightened. The bad stuff is extra-worse. The silences are extra-silent. The good stuff is amazing. It's electric when you walk out there. For 90 minutes, you're on this other planet.
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For my sister's 50th birthday, I sent her a singing mammogram.
Steven Wright
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Honestly, I just go to restaurants to eat so I won't die. If there was a pill I could take in January and then I wouldn't have to eat again for the rest of the year, I would take it. Of course, I wouldn't want to sacrifice my chocolate cake and ice cream.
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I don't go off and sit down and try to write material, because then it's contrived and forced. I just live my life, and I see things in a word or a situation or a concept, and it will create a joke for me.
Steven Wright
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Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.
Steven Wright
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My aunt gave me a walkie-talkie for my birthday. She says if I'm good, she'll give me the other one next year.
Steven Wright
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Last year we drove across the country...We had one cassette tape to listen to on the entire trip... I don't remember what it was.
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I live at the end of a dead end one way street. I don't know how I got there.
Steven Wright