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I Xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra Xerox machine.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Funny
Xerox
Extra
Extras
Machine
Mirror
Mirrors
Machines
Humor
More quotes by Steven Wright
Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?
Steven Wright
If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?
Steven Wright
Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?
Steven Wright
I used to work at a health food store. I got fired for drinking straight Bosco on the job.
Steven Wright
Honestly, I just go to restaurants to eat so I won't die. If there was a pill I could take in January and then I wouldn't have to eat again for the rest of the year, I would take it. Of course, I wouldn't want to sacrifice my chocolate cake and ice cream.
Steven Wright
I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
Steven Wright
If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
Steven Wright
If you are killing time, are you damaging eternity?
Steven Wright
I once tried to commit suicide by jumping off a building...I changed my mind at the last minute, so I just flipped over and landed on my feet. Two little kittens nearby saw what happened and one turns to the other and says, See, that's how it's done.
Steven Wright
What a nice night for an evening.
Steven Wright
If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
Steven Wright
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
Steven Wright
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
Steven Wright
I live at the end of a dead end one way street. I don't know how I got there.
Steven Wright
I have all the emotions that everyone has it just appears that I don't.
Steven Wright
Tinsel is really snakes' mirrors.
Steven Wright
I can't stop thinking like this.
Steven Wright
I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast.
Steven Wright
To the audience, it's like I'm changing the subject every five seconds, but to me, my show's almost like a 90-minute song that I know exactly. I wrote every note, and I know exactly where everything is.
Steven Wright
Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not a door?
Steven Wright
