Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
I Xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra Xerox machine.
Steven Wright
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Machine
Mirror
Mirrors
Machines
Humor
Funny
Xerox
Extra
Extras
More quotes by Steven Wright
Even snakes are afraid of snakes.
Steven Wright
I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.
Steven Wright
I had amnesia once or twice.
Steven Wright
You know how it is when you’re walking up the stairs, and you get to the top, and you think there’s one more step? I’m like that all the time.
Steven Wright
The sky already fell. Now what?
Steven Wright
I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.
Steven Wright
They say you're not supposed to put metal in a microwave oven. They're right.
Steven Wright
All of the people in my building are insane. The guy above me designs synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats.
Steven Wright
I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back.
Steven Wright
Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
Steven Wright
You know what scares me? When you have to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenic, just because she lives in your head.
Steven Wright
I'm seeing the world partially through the eyes of a kid. Not all the time. There's no black and white to it. But sometimes I'm seeing it like I'm 4.
Steven Wright
If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
Steven Wright
I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.
Steven Wright
I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.
Steven Wright
For my sister's 50th birthday, I sent her a singing mammogram.
Steven Wright
When I was a kid I had a friend who worked in a radio station. Whenever we walked under a bridge, you couldn't hear what he said.
Steven Wright
I had a dream that all the babies prevented by the pill showed up. They were mad.
Steven Wright
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
Steven Wright
Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone...when I came back the entire area was missing.
Steven Wright
