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I bought some powdered water, but I don’t know what to add.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Powdered
Bought
Add
Humor
Water
Funny

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.
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When I have a kid, I want to buy one of those strollers for twins. Then put the kid in and run around, looking frantic. When he gets older, I'd tell him he used to have a brother, but he didn't obey.
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I'm addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn't matter.
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Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?
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While I was gone, somebody rearranged on the furniture in my bedroom. They put it in exactly the same place it was. When I told my roommate, he said: Do I know you?
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What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?
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I had my coat hangers spayed.
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I Xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra Xerox machine.
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Even snakes are afraid of snakes.
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I forgot and left the lighthouse on all night. Next day the sun wouldn't rise.
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I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
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My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.
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Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
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Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery's dead?
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When I was ten, my pa told me never to talk to strangers. We haven't spoken since.
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OK, so what's the speed of dark?
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Do you have any toy train schedules?
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If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
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When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask if I'm leaving.
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One day a guy tried to rob me on the street, and I had no money. So I charged him.
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