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I bought some powdered water, but I don’t know what to add.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Humor
Water
Funny
Powdered
Bought
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More quotes by Steven Wright

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I like to go to art museums and name the untitled paintings... Boy With Pail... Kitten On Fire.
Steven Wright
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I'm so hyper. (said with a very dull voice>
Steven Wright
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Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, Do I know you?
Steven Wright
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I had my coat hangers spayed.
Steven Wright
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Why are they called buildings when they’re already finished? Shouldn’t they be called builts?
Steven Wright
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On the other hand, you have different fingers.
Steven Wright
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I can't stop thinking like this.
Steven Wright
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I'm seeing the world partially through the eyes of a kid. Not all the time. There's no black and white to it. But sometimes I'm seeing it like I'm 4.
Steven Wright
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Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
Steven Wright
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If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
Steven Wright
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My friend Sam has one leg. I went to his house. I couldn't go up the stairs.
Steven Wright
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I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list.
Steven Wright
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When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually.
Steven Wright
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Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish.
Steven Wright
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I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
Steven Wright
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Real life? Well, I just hope mine isn't investigated. They might find that I don't really exist - that I'm just a hologram.
Steven Wright
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If God dropped acid, would he see people?
Steven Wright
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My girlfriend's weird. One day she asked me, 'If you could know how and when you were going to die, would you want to know?' I said, 'No.' She said, 'Okay, forget it.
Steven Wright
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While I was gone, somebody rearranged on the furniture in my bedroom. They put it in exactly the same place it was. When I told my roommate, he said: Do I know you?
Steven Wright
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The other night I came home late, and tried to unlock my house with my car keys. I started the house up. So, I drove it around for a while. I was speeding, and a cop pulled me over. He asked where I lived. I said, Right here, officer.
Steven Wright