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My school colors were clear. We used to say, 'I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Used
Colors
Naked
Band
Color
Clear
School
More quotes by Steven Wright
If you are killing time, are you damaging eternity?
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I went to this restaurant last night that was set up like a big buffet in the shape of an Ouija board. You'd think about what kind of food you want, and the table would move across the floor to it.
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If I ever had twins, I'd use one for parts.
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The best kind of friend is the kind you sit with, never say a word and walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you ever had.
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My aunt gave me a walkie-talkie for my birthday. She says if I'm good, she'll give me the other one next year.
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I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it.
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The sky already fell. Now what?
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One time the power went out in my house and I had to use the flash on my camera to see my way around. I made a sandwich and took fifty pictures of my face. The neighbors thought there was lightning in my house.
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I've been doing comedy longer than I haven't been doing comedy, as I was performing for three years before I even got on 'The Tonight Show.' There's truly nothing like it it's intense and exhilarating, even though it looks so casual.
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My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.
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I saw a want ad. light housekeeping. They said Here, change this bulb. I said I'll need some friends.
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Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not a door?
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I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit a bookmark.
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I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes.
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If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?
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Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
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I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
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On the other hand, you have different fingers.
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I got pulled over by a cop, and he said, 'do you know the speed limit here is 55 miles per hour?'. So I said, 'oh, that's OK, I'm not going that far.'
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Real life? Well, I just hope mine isn't investigated. They might find that I don't really exist - that I'm just a hologram.
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