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My school colors were clear. We used to say, 'I'm not naked, I'm in the band.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Colors
Naked
Band
Color
Clear
School
Used

More quotes by Steven Wright

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If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
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I got pulled over by a cop, and he said, 'do you know the speed limit here is 55 miles per hour?'. So I said, 'oh, that's OK, I'm not going that far.'
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If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
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I told her I knew when I was going to die because my birth certificate had an expiration date on it.
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I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.
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I had my coat hangers spayed.
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How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
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Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as '4's'?
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If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
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I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.
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When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually.
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If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
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I have a map of the united states .... it's original size ... it says one mile equals one mile.
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Tinsel is really snakes' mirrors.
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Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish.
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When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?
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I made a chocolate cake with white chocolate. Then I took it to a potluck. I stood in line for some cake. They said, Do you want white cake or chocolate cake? I said, yes.
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I Xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra Xerox machine.
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Do you have any toy train schedules?
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always remember your unique, just like everone else
Steven Wright