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My school colors were clear. We used to say, 'I'm not naked, I'm in the band.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Naked
Band
Color
Clear
School
Used
Colors

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'
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When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety.
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Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?
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You know those things that you throw the twigs into and it spits them out? That's what I do. The branches are like life, and I throw them into my head and some of it comes out as humor.
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What do batteries run on?
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All of the people in my building are insane. The guy above me designs synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats.
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Honestly, I just go to restaurants to eat so I won't die. If there was a pill I could take in January and then I wouldn't have to eat again for the rest of the year, I would take it. Of course, I wouldn't want to sacrifice my chocolate cake and ice cream.
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A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, 'Wish you were here.
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All the plants in my house are dead - I shot them last night. I was teasing them by watering them with ice cubes.
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It's a fine night to have an evening.
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I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit a bookmark.
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The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
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Did you sleep well? No, I made a couple of mistakes.
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If you are killing time, are you damaging eternity?
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I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose.
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Whatever happened to preparations A through G?
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My girlfriend does her nails with white-out. When she's asleep, I go over there and write misspelled words on them.
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I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking,' but I don't have that much time.
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I got an answering machine for my phone. . . . Now, when I'm not home and somebody calls me up . . . they hear a recording of a busy signal.
Steven Wright
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I went to this restaurant last night that was set up like a big buffet in the shape of an Ouija board. You'd think about what kind of food you want, and the table would move across the floor to it.
Steven Wright