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You know how it is when you’re walking up the stairs, and you get to the top, and you think there’s one more step? I’m like that all the time.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Thinking
Stairs
Like
Step
Walking
Humor
Steps
Funny
Time
Think

More quotes by Steven Wright

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Four years ago... no, it was yesterday.
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I'm addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn't matter.
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One time the power went out in my house and I had to use the flash on my camera to see my way around. I made a sandwich and took fifty pictures of my face. The neighbors thought there was lightning in my house.
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Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
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Why is it lemon juice contains mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?
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If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?
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A fool and his money are soon partying.
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Officer, I know I was going faster than 55MPH, but I wasn't going to be on the road an hour.
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If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
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If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
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I wear a hat on stage so that people won't be blinded by the reflection from my head. Also, if I don't wear a hat, there's no way that the hat can be at that level by itself on the stage.
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I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, 'What for?' I said, 'I'm going to buy some sugar.'
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Yeah, but I don't believe everything I read.
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They say you're not supposed to put metal in a microwave oven. They're right.
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Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as '4's'?
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Is it possible to be totally partial?
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I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
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A friend of mine is into Voodoo Acupuncture. You don't have to go. You'll just be walking down the street and . . . ooooohhhhhh, that's much better.
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If I ever had twins, I'd use one for parts.
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In hindsight, I realized I could see into the future. Which is kind of like having premonitions of flashbacks.
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