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You know how it is when you’re walking up the stairs, and you get to the top, and you think there’s one more step? I’m like that all the time.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Humor
Steps
Funny
Time
Think
Thinking
Stairs
Like
Step
Walking

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.
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Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
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Yeah, but I don't believe everything I read.
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I have all the emotions that everyone has it just appears that I don't.
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If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?
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When I was ten, my pa told me never to talk to strangers. We haven't spoken since.
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I eat swiss cheese. But I only nibble on it. I make the holes bigger.
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Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
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I'm addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn't matter.
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Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
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Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?
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I turned my air conditioner the other way around and it got cold out. The weatherman said 'I don't understand it. It was supposed to be 80 degrees out today.' I said, oops
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Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
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Four years ago... no, it was yesterday.
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The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
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You know what scares me? When you have to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenic, just because she lives in your head.
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I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.
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OK, so what's the speed of dark?
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Winny would spend all of his time practicing limbo. He got pretty good. He could go under a rug.
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I once tried to commit suicide by jumping off a building...I changed my mind at the last minute, so I just flipped over and landed on my feet. Two little kittens nearby saw what happened and one turns to the other and says, See, that's how it's done.
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