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You know how it is when you’re walking up the stairs, and you get to the top, and you think there’s one more step? I’m like that all the time.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Like
Step
Walking
Humor
Steps
Funny
Time
Think
Thinking
Stairs

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Black holes result from God dividing the universe by zero.
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I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates.
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I once locked my keys out of my car. I had to break out of my car with a coat hanger.
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Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?
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It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself.
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Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?
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Consciousness: That annoying time between naps
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I bought a house on a one-way dead-end road. I don’t know how I got there.
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I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it.
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I like to reminisce with people I don't know.
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I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list.
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Do you have any toy train schedules?
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So I got off the plane and I forget to take off my seat-belt and I'm dragging the plane through the terminal... The wings are knocking people over.
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The sky is falling. No, I'm tipping over backwards.
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What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?
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What a nice night for an evening.
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Yesterday, my eyeglass prescription ran out.
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I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.
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Honestly, I just go to restaurants to eat so I won't die. If there was a pill I could take in January and then I wouldn't have to eat again for the rest of the year, I would take it. Of course, I wouldn't want to sacrifice my chocolate cake and ice cream.
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I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting Slinkies on the escalator.
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