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If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Wells
Everything
Well
Going
Overlooked
Something
Obviously
Life
Humor
Funny
Seems
More quotes by Steven Wright
One day a guy tried to rob me on the street, and I had no money. So I charged him.
Steven Wright
Officer, I know I was going faster than 55MPH, but I wasn't going to be on the road an hour.
Steven Wright
My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
Steven Wright
My act is an exaggeration of a part of me. I'm much more expressive off stage.
Steven Wright
My school colors were clear. We used to say, 'I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
Steven Wright
If you are killing time, are you damaging eternity?
Steven Wright
I liked school, but I used to dread those moments when the teacher would call me up to give an oral report. I forced myself to deal with it and not dwell on the class in front of me - to keep a straight face, give the report and concentrate on getting it right. That's normally how I perform. That's how I am.
Steven Wright
The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store . . . with a pricing gun. She said, Give me all of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store.
Steven Wright
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Steven Wright
I was arrested for lip-syncing karaoke.
Steven Wright
Hermits have no peer pressure.
Steven Wright
I paint I draw and paint - I've been doing that since I was in third grade, drawing realistically and then changing to abstract art. That was my first creative thing before guitar or comedy.
Steven Wright
There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.
Steven Wright
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
Steven Wright
Is 'tired old cliché' one?
Steven Wright
If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?
Steven Wright
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Steven Wright
It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
Steven Wright
When I have a kid, I want to buy one of those strollers for twins. Then put the kid in and run around, looking frantic. When he gets older, I'd tell him he used to have a brother, but he didn't obey.
Steven Wright
I plugged my phone in where the blender used to be. I called someone. They went Aaaaahhhh...
Steven Wright
