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If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Obviously
Something
Humor
Life
Funny
Seems
Wells
Everything
Well
Overlooked
Going
More quotes by Steven Wright
Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery's dead?
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Why is it lemon juice contains mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?
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If I melt dry ice, can I swim without getting wet?
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I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.
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Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
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So I got off the plane and I forget to take off my seat-belt and I'm dragging the plane through the terminal... The wings are knocking people over.
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I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting Slinkies on the escalator.
Steven Wright
I saw a want ad. light housekeeping. They said Here, change this bulb. I said I'll need some friends.
Steven Wright
Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
Steven Wright
It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself.
Steven Wright
All the plants in my house are dead - I shot them last night. I was teasing them by watering them with ice cubes.
Steven Wright
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
Steven Wright
I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
Steven Wright
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
Steven Wright
Why are there five syllables in the word “monosyllabic”?
Steven Wright
Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?
Steven Wright
I saw a close friend of mine the other day. . . . He said, Stephen, why haven't you called me? I said, I can't call everyone I want. My new phone has no five on it. He said, How long have you had it? I said, I don't know . . . my calendar has no sevens on it.
Steven Wright
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
Steven Wright
When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask if I'm leaving.
Steven Wright
I feel very lucky to make a living from my imagination I'm very grateful for that. I like that what I do is create. I'm feeling very lucky to have had the career I had. It's gone much longer and bigger than I ever thought it would be.
Steven Wright