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I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Made
Louder
Repair
Horns
Hilarious
Humorous
Brakes
Couldn
Repairing
Humor
Brake
Funny
Horn
More quotes by Steven Wright
I went camping and borrowed a circus tent by mistake. I didn't notice until I got it set up. People complained because they couldn't see the lake.
Steven Wright
I like to reminisce with people I don't know.
Steven Wright
When I was a kid I had a friend who worked in a radio station. Whenever we walked under a bridge, you couldn't hear what he said.
Steven Wright
Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?
Steven Wright
I washed a sock. Then I put it in the dryer. When I took it out, it was gone.
Steven Wright
I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
Steven Wright
I took a baby shower.
Steven Wright
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Steven Wright
Very rarely do I talk off the top of my head on stage. I'm not an improv guy. I'm a writer-guy who presents what he's written.
Steven Wright
If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?
Steven Wright
I had amnesia once or twice.
Steven Wright
If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?
Steven Wright
I thought I would be a guy on the radio.
Steven Wright
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
Steven Wright
I bought my brother some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took it to the gift wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping.
Steven Wright
My act is an exaggeration of a part of me. I'm much more expressive off stage.
Steven Wright
I went to San Francisco. I found someone’s heart.
Steven Wright
My grandfather gave me a watch. It doesn't have any hands or numbers. He says it's very accurate. I asked him what time it was. You can guess what he told me.
Steven Wright
Doing stand-up is like running across a frozen pond with the ice breaking behind you. I love it because it's dangerous.
Steven Wright
I don't like the sound of my phone ringing so I put my phone inside my fish tank. I can't hear it, but every time I get a call I see the fish go like this <<<>>><<>><<<<. I go down to the pet store and said, Give me another ten guppies, I got a lot of calls yesterday.
Steven Wright
