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I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Made
Louder
Repair
Horns
Hilarious
Humorous
Brakes
Couldn
Repairing
Humor
Brake
Funny
Horn
More quotes by Steven Wright
My school colors were clear. We used to say, 'I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
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It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
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I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'll use it.
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I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.
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The sky is falling. No, I'm tipping over backwards.
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I wrote a song, but I can't read music so I don't know what it is. Every once in a while I'll be listening to the radio and I say, I think I might have written that.
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I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
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It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.
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So I got off the plane and I forget to take off my seat-belt and I'm dragging the plane through the terminal... The wings are knocking people over.
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I got an answering machine for my phone. . . . Now, when I'm not home and somebody calls me up . . . they hear a recording of a busy signal.
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I have not lost my mind - it's backed up on disk somewhere.
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I saw a vegetarian wearing a furry coat. so I looked closer. it was made of grass.
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Having sex with her is incredible. It's just like a concert. We throw Frisbees around the room. And when she wants more she lights a match.
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They say we're 98% water. We're that close to drowning. I like to live on the edge.
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I plugged my phone in where the blender used to be. I called someone. They went Aaaaahhhh...
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I had a dream that all the babies prevented by the pill showed up. They were mad.
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I went to this restaurant last night that was set up like a big buffet in the shape of an Ouija board. You'd think about what kind of food you want, and the table would move across the floor to it.
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I went to San Francisco. I found someone’s heart.
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If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?
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I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.
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