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Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Smart
Humor
Weasels
Sucked
Funny
Jet
Business
Eagles
May
Soar
Engines
Clever
More quotes by Steven Wright
I paint I draw and paint - I've been doing that since I was in third grade, drawing realistically and then changing to abstract art. That was my first creative thing before guitar or comedy.
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Winny would spend all of his time practicing limbo. He got pretty good. He could go under a rug.
Steven Wright
The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing.
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I saw a sign at a gas station. It said 'help wanted'. There was another sign below it that said 'self service'. So I hired myself. Then I made myself the boss. I gave myself a raise. I paid myself. Then I quit.
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When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Steven Wright
Imagine Pulitzer prizefighting.
Steven Wright
A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, 'Wish you were here.
Steven Wright
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Steven Wright
If its tourist season, why cant we shoot them
Steven Wright
I thought I would be a guy on the radio.
Steven Wright
Why are there five syllables in the word “monosyllabic”?
Steven Wright
I brought a mirror to Lovers' Lane. I told everybody I'm Narcissus.
Steven Wright
If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
Steven Wright
I wish, when I was first born, the first thing I said was Quote so the last thing I said before I died would be Unquote.
Steven Wright
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
Steven Wright
I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it.
Steven Wright
I washed a sock. Then I put it in the dryer. When I took it out, it was gone.
Steven Wright
I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose.
Steven Wright
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
Steven Wright
Day One: Still tired from the move.
Steven Wright
