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Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Humor
Weasels
Funny
Sucked
Business
Jet
May
Eagles
Soar
Engines
Clever
Smart
More quotes by Steven Wright
I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side.
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Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don't have film.
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I always thought Johnny Carson was just brilliant, and I used to watch him and all the comics that would be on the show every night - and I'd dream about it being me.
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Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.
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If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
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Yeah, but I don't believe everything I read.
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If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
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I've been doing comedy longer than I haven't been doing comedy, as I was performing for three years before I even got on 'The Tonight Show.' There's truly nothing like it it's intense and exhilarating, even though it looks so casual.
Steven Wright
If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?
Steven Wright
You know the old joke, I went to the fights and a hockey game broke out.
Steven Wright
My aunt gave me a walkie-talkie for my birthday. She says if I'm good, she'll give me the other one next year.
Steven Wright
My school colors were clear. We used to say, 'I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
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I recently went to the hardware store and I bought some used paint... it was in a shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included. So I had to buy them again.
Steven Wright
When I was a kid, I never did funny things to get attention. I was never a funny person. I was never, like, 'Oh, wow. I could say this some day on stage.'
Steven Wright
Is 'tired old cliché' one?
Steven Wright
Hermits have no peer pressure.
Steven Wright
Do fish get cramps after eating?
Steven Wright
My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.
Steven Wright
Did you sleep well? No, I made a couple of mistakes.
Steven Wright
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
Steven Wright
