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Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Humor
Weasels
Funny
Sucked
Business
Jet
May
Eagles
Soar
Engines
Clever
Smart
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Whatever happened to preparations A through G?
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The sign said eight items or less. So I changed my name to Les.
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My friend Winnie is a procrastinator. He didn't get his birth mark til he was eight years old.
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I saw a want ad. light housekeeping. They said Here, change this bulb. I said I'll need some friends.
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The sky is falling. No, I'm tipping over backwards.
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Last year we drove across the country...We had one cassette tape to listen to on the entire trip... I don't remember what it was.
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I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it's like a circus in my head.
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Why is it lemon juice contains mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?
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If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
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I have all the emotions that everyone has it just appears that I don't.
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I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
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Is it weird in here, or is it just me?
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I can't stop thinking like this.
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Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone...when I came back the entire area was missing.
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So I got off the plane and I forget to take off my seat-belt and I'm dragging the plane through the terminal... The wings are knocking people over.
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They say we're 98% water. We're that close to drowning. I like to live on the edge.
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I once locked my keys out of my car. I had to break out of my car with a coat hanger.
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If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
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Black holes result from God dividing the universe by zero.
Steven Wright
