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Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don't have film.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Everyone
Photographic
Film
Absurd
Memory
Travel
Humor
Memories
Justice
Funny
More quotes by Steven Wright
Four years ago... no, it was yesterday.
Steven Wright
I saw a close friend of mine the other day. . . . He said, Stephen, why haven't you called me? I said, I can't call everyone I want. My new phone has no five on it. He said, How long have you had it? I said, I don't know . . . my calendar has no sevens on it.
Steven Wright
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
Steven Wright
I couldn't find the remote control to the remote control.
Steven Wright
I told her I knew when I was going to die because my birth certificate had an expiration date on it.
Steven Wright
Does fuzzy logic tickle?
Steven Wright
I was watching the Superbowl with my 92 year old grandfather. The team scored a touchdown. They showed the instant replay. He thought they scored another one. I was gonna tell him, but I figured the game HE was watching was better.
Steven Wright
If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?
Steven Wright
I collect rare photographs... I have two... One of Houdini locking his keys in his car... the other is a rare picture of Norman Rockwell beating up a child.
Steven Wright
I'm kinda tired. I was up all night trying to round off infinity. Then I got bored and went out and painted passing lines on curved roads.
Steven Wright
George Carlin's album, 'Class Clown,' came out when I was in high school. I memorized a lot of that album. I'd come home from school, put it on, and listen over and over. I started memorizing it. I don't even know why. I loved it so much I memorized it.
Steven Wright
Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
Steven Wright
I forgot and left the lighthouse on all night. Next day the sun wouldn't rise.
Steven Wright
Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
Steven Wright
Black holes result from God dividing the universe by zero.
Steven Wright
Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring... 'How to Build a Boat.'
Steven Wright
I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it.
Steven Wright
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
Steven Wright
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
Steven Wright
Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
Steven Wright
