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Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don't have film.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Film
Absurd
Memory
Travel
Humor
Memories
Justice
Funny
Everyone
Photographic
More quotes by Steven Wright
I don't feel that I'm explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I'm not trying to be a mirror, showing them what's really going on the world. All I'm trying to do is think of stuff that's funny, just like when I'm kidding around with my friends.
Steven Wright
Why do banks charge you a non-sufficient funds fee on money they already know you don't have?
Steven Wright
I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates.
Steven Wright
I'm addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn't matter.
Steven Wright
I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit a bookmark.
Steven Wright
I didn't tell any of my friends that I wanted to be a comedian, because I was superstitious. I thought if I told people, it wouldn't happen. So I kept it all in my head for years and years.
Steven Wright
I was always making my friends laugh but I never wanted the attention of the whole classroom.
Steven Wright
Four years ago... no, it was yesterday.
Steven Wright
I forgot and left the lighthouse on all night. Next day the sun wouldn't rise.
Steven Wright
I had a dream that all the babies prevented by the pill showed up. They were mad.
Steven Wright
Does fuzzy logic tickle?
Steven Wright
I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast.
Steven Wright
I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.
Steven Wright
I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.
Steven Wright
I eat swiss cheese. But I only nibble on it. I make the holes bigger.
Steven Wright
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
Steven Wright
I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.
Steven Wright
I've been thinking of humorous things since I was... I can't remember when. All the way through elementary school, all the way through junior high, all the way through high school, through college and after college, I was thinking of the same kinds of things that I say in front of an audience now.
Steven Wright
I wear a hat on stage so that people won't be blinded by the reflection from my head. Also, if I don't wear a hat, there's no way that the hat can be at that level by itself on the stage.
Steven Wright
If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
Steven Wright
