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Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don't have film.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Film
Absurd
Memory
Travel
Humor
Memories
Justice
Funny
Everyone
Photographic
More quotes by Steven Wright
All the plants in my house are dead - I shot them last night. I was teasing them by watering them with ice cubes.
Steven Wright
I'm so hyper. (said with a very dull voice>
Steven Wright
They say we're 98% water. We're that close to drowning. I like to live on the edge.
Steven Wright
What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?
Steven Wright
They say you're not supposed to put metal in a microwave oven. They're right.
Steven Wright
I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it.
Steven Wright
Why are they called buildings when they’re already finished? Shouldn’t they be called builts?
Steven Wright
I can't stop thinking like this.
Steven Wright
I got a garage door opener. It can't close. Just open.
Steven Wright
Women... can't live with 'em...... can't shoot 'em
Steven Wright
Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
Steven Wright
The other day I ... no wait, that wasn't me.
Steven Wright
I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.
Steven Wright
At one point he decided enough was enough.
Steven Wright
Hermits have no peer pressure.
Steven Wright
If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
Steven Wright
You know what scares me? When you have to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenic, just because she lives in your head.
Steven Wright
My act is an exaggeration of a part of me. I'm much more expressive off stage.
Steven Wright
For my sister's 50th birthday, I sent her a singing mammogram.
Steven Wright
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
Steven Wright
