Quote

I hate it when my leg falls asleep. I know that means it's going to be up all night.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Going
Legs
Humor
Funny
Hate
Means
Fall
Night
Asleep
Mean
Falls

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I need one of those baby monitors from my subconscious to my consciousness so I can know what the hell I'm really thinking about.
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It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
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I saw a man with a wooden leg and a real foot.
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I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you've seen it.
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If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?
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You know what scares me? When you have to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenic, just because she lives in your head.
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Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
Steven Wright
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I forgot and left the lighthouse on all night. Next day the sun wouldn't rise.
Steven Wright
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Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, Do I know you?
Steven Wright
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So I got off the plane and I forget to take off my seat-belt and I'm dragging the plane through the terminal... The wings are knocking people over.
Steven Wright
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I paint I draw and paint - I've been doing that since I was in third grade, drawing realistically and then changing to abstract art. That was my first creative thing before guitar or comedy.
Steven Wright
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My school colors were clear. We used to say, 'I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
Steven Wright
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You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time.
Steven Wright
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I've been thinking of humorous things since I was... I can't remember when. All the way through elementary school, all the way through junior high, all the way through high school, through college and after college, I was thinking of the same kinds of things that I say in front of an audience now.
Steven Wright
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Yeah, but I don't believe everything I read.
Steven Wright
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I had amnesia once or twice.
Steven Wright
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I had my coat hangers spayed.
Steven Wright
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I like to reminisce with people I don't know.
Steven Wright
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My grandfather gave me a watch. It doesn't have any hands or numbers. He says it's very accurate. I asked him what time it was. You can guess what he told me.
Steven Wright
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I don't go off and sit down and try to write material, because then it's contrived and forced. I just live my life, and I see things in a word or a situation or a concept, and it will create a joke for me.
Steven Wright