Quote

When I have a kid, I want to buy one of those strollers for twins. Then put the kid in and run around, looking frantic. When he gets older, I'd tell him he used to have a brother, but he didn't obey.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Funny
Frantic
Running
Twins
Tell
Obey
Didn
Older
Kids
Brother
Around
Gets
Used
Humor
Looking
Strollers

More quotes by Steven Wright

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Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
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I don't go off and sit down and try to write material, because then it's contrived and forced. I just live my life, and I see things in a word or a situation or a concept, and it will create a joke for me.
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Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
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I have a map of the united states .... it's original size ... it says one mile equals one mile.
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I like to go to art museums and name the untitled paintings... Boy With Pail... Kitten On Fire.
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I thought I would be a guy on the radio.
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I need one of those baby monitors from my subconscious to my consciousness so I can know what the hell I'm really thinking about.
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I saw a vegetarian wearing a furry coat. so I looked closer. it was made of grass.
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I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you've seen it.
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So I got off the plane and I forget to take off my seat-belt and I'm dragging the plane through the terminal... The wings are knocking people over.
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It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself.
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If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
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I changed my headlights the other day. I put in strobe lights instead! Now when I drive at night, it looks like everyone else is standing still.
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Winny would spend all of his time practicing limbo. He got pretty good. He could go under a rug.
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I had my coat hangers spayed.
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I was always making my friends laugh but I never wanted the attention of the whole classroom.
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Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
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A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, 'Wish you were here.
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Do you have any toy train schedules?
Steven Wright
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There's something about being in front of a live audience that's fun. It's a really interesting, very electric, very alive, and intense experience, and you can't get it anywhere else. And I've been doing it since I was 23, so it's part of my being - it's part of my fabric as a person.
Steven Wright