Quote

When I have a kid, I want to buy one of those strollers for twins. Then put the kid in and run around, looking frantic. When he gets older, I'd tell him he used to have a brother, but he didn't obey.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Strollers
Looking
Frantic
Funny
Twins
Running
Obey
Tell
Older
Didn
Brother
Kids
Gets
Around
Used
Humor

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I washed a sock. Then I put it in the dryer. When I took it out, it was gone.
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George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk.
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The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
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Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
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I have a map of the United States... Actual size. It says, 'Scale: 1 mile = 1 mile.' I spent last summer folding it. I hardly ever unroll it. People ask me where I live, and I say, 'E6.
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Winny would spend all of his time practicing limbo. He got pretty good. He could go under a rug.
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The best kind of friend is the kind you sit with, never say a word and walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you ever had.
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I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.
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Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
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My act is an exaggeration of a part of me. I'm much more expressive off stage.
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I plugged my phone in where the blender used to be. I called someone. They went Aaaaahhhh...
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Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, Do I know you?
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The sky is falling. No, I'm tipping over backwards.
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