Quote

Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, Do I know you?

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Night
Apartment
Everything
Replaced
Broke
Humor
Duplicates
Somebody
Roommate
Lasts
Duplicate
Last
Pointed
Funny
Exact

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If I ever had twins, I'd use one for parts.
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My girlfriend does her nails with white-out. When she's asleep, I go over there and write misspelled words on them.
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always remember your unique, just like everone else
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I washed a sock. Then I put it in the dryer. When I took it out, it was gone.
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I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.
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I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology... the study of milkmen.
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I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
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I need one of those baby monitors from my subconscious to my consciousness so I can know what the hell I'm really thinking about.
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Yesterday, my eyeglass prescription ran out.
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If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
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If its tourist season, why cant we shoot them
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I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.
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When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually.
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I saw a vegetarian wearing a furry coat. so I looked closer. it was made of grass.
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Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
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