Quote

Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, Do I know you?

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Lasts
Duplicate
Last
Pointed
Funny
Exact
Night
Apartment
Everything
Replaced
Broke
Humor
Duplicates
Somebody
Roommate

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A fool and his money are soon partying.
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Tinsel is really snakes' mirrors.
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If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?
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Four years ago... no, it was yesterday.
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Babies don't need a vacation. But I still see them at the beach. It pisses me off.
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I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.
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Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
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I plugged my phone in where the blender used to be. I called someone. They went Aaaaahhhh...
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Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
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If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
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I took a baby shower.
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Only one in four jokes ever works, and I still can't predict what people will laugh at.
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Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby and say 'What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life!'
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I changed my headlights the other day. I put in strobe lights instead! Now when I drive at night, it looks like everyone else is standing still.
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