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If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Land
Lands
Sides
Cats
Animal
Comedian
Funny
Drop
Happens
Cat
Strap
Back
Humor
Toast
Always
Side
Toasts
Feet
Butter
More quotes by Steven Wright
I've been thinking of humorous things since I was... I can't remember when. All the way through elementary school, all the way through junior high, all the way through high school, through college and after college, I was thinking of the same kinds of things that I say in front of an audience now.
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I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
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I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates.
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The other day, I was walking my dog around my building . . . on the ledge. Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
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When I was a fetus, I used to sneak out at night when my mother was sleeping. I figured I should start stealing stuff while I still had no fingerprints.
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Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
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Your honor, why would anyone in their right mind park in the passing lane?
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What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?
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I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking,' but I don't have that much time.
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If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
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Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as '4's'?
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If I melt dry ice, can I swim without getting wet?
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I washed a sock. Then I put it in the dryer. When I took it out, it was gone.
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I once locked my keys out of my car. I had to break out of my car with a coat hanger.
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While I was gone, somebody rearranged on the furniture in my bedroom. They put it in exactly the same place it was. When I told my roommate, he said: Do I know you?
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I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
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What do batteries run on?
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I always thought Johnny Carson was just brilliant, and I used to watch him and all the comics that would be on the show every night - and I'd dream about it being me.
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I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
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I’m so tired... I was up all night trying to round off infinity.
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