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If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Animal
Comedian
Funny
Drop
Happens
Cat
Strap
Back
Humor
Toast
Always
Side
Toasts
Feet
Butter
Land
Lands
Sides
Cats
More quotes by Steven Wright
I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit a bookmark.
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Winny would spend all of his time practicing limbo. He got pretty good. He could go under a rug.
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My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.
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I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.
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I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes.
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In my house on the ceilings I have paintings of the rooms above... so I never have to go upstairs.
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I bought my brother some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took it to the gift wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping.
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I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one out. Now my car goes 500 miles per hour. The harmonica sounds amazing.
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I went to this restaurant last night that was set up like a big buffet in the shape of an Ouija board. You'd think about what kind of food you want, and the table would move across the floor to it.
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I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
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I don't get up, get dressed, go out, and think, 'Okay, I gotta find eight jokes.'
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When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually.
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The things I talk about and explain couldn't happen - yet, they don't seem impossible - you could say I talk about the world in an abstract perspective. But then, the world is basically insane - and it's trying to pass itself off as being a sane place. I show it for what it is.
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I had a dream that all the babies prevented by the pill showed up. They were mad.
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If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?
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I washed a sock. Then I put it in the dryer. When I took it out, it was gone.
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The other night I came home late, and tried to unlock my house with my car keys. I started the house up. So, I drove it around for a while. I was speeding, and a cop pulled me over. He asked where I lived. I said, Right here, officer.
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I saw a want ad. light housekeeping. They said Here, change this bulb. I said I'll need some friends.
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If I ever had twins, I'd use one for parts.
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They say you're not supposed to put metal in a microwave oven. They're right.
Steven Wright
