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If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Land
Lands
Sides
Cats
Animal
Comedian
Funny
Drop
Happens
Cat
Strap
Back
Humor
Toast
Always
Side
Toasts
Feet
Butter
More quotes by Steven Wright
Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
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I wrote a song, but I can't read music so I don't know what it is. Every once in a while I'll be listening to the radio and I say, I think I might have written that.
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Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish.
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If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?
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I washed mud off of mud.
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I'm seeing the world partially through the eyes of a kid. Not all the time. There's no black and white to it. But sometimes I'm seeing it like I'm 4.
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I hate it when my leg falls asleep. I know that means it's going to be up all night.
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Why are they called buildings when they’re already finished? Shouldn’t they be called builts?
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When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
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The sky already fell. Now what?
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The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing.
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Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.
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I didn't tell any of my friends that I wanted to be a comedian, because I was superstitious. I thought if I told people, it wouldn't happen. So I kept it all in my head for years and years.
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I feel very lucky to make a living from my imagination I'm very grateful for that. I like that what I do is create. I'm feeling very lucky to have had the career I had. It's gone much longer and bigger than I ever thought it would be.
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I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it.
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I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
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A fool and his money are soon partying.
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I always thought Johnny Carson was just brilliant, and I used to watch him and all the comics that would be on the show every night - and I'd dream about it being me.
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I like to go to art museums and name the untitled paintings... Boy With Pail... Kitten On Fire.
Steven Wright
I don't feel that I'm explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I'm not trying to be a mirror, showing them what's really going on the world. All I'm trying to do is think of stuff that's funny, just like when I'm kidding around with my friends.
Steven Wright
