Quote

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Feet
Butter
Land
Lands
Sides
Cats
Animal
Comedian
Funny
Drop
Happens
Cat
Strap
Back
Humor
Toast
Always
Side
Toasts

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When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
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When I was ten, my pa told me never to talk to strangers. We haven't spoken since.
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It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
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I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
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I couldn't find the remote control to the remote control.
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Sometimes I wish my first word was 'quote,' so that on my death bed, my last words could be 'end quote.'
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I have two pairs of reading glasses. One pair is for reading fiction, the other for non-fiction. I've read the Bible twice wearing each pair, and it's the same.
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I don't go off and sit down and try to write material, because then it's contrived and forced. I just live my life, and I see things in a word or a situation or a concept, and it will create a joke for me.
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I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology... the study of milkmen.
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Doing stand-up is like running across a frozen pond with the ice breaking behind you. I love it because it's dangerous.
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Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
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I Xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra Xerox machine.
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I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
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I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
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I turned my air conditioner the other way around and it got cold out. The weatherman said 'I don't understand it. It was supposed to be 80 degrees out today.' I said, oops
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Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring... 'How to Build a Boat.'
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I hate it when my leg falls asleep. I know that means it's going to be up all night.
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Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.
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I recently went to the hardware store and I bought some used paint... it was in a shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included. So I had to buy them again.
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