Quote

You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Time
Falling
Like
Humor
Eyes
Reading
Eye
Asleep
Funny
Sudden
Fall
Closed
Book
Notice

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Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
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When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?
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I got an answering machine for my phone. . . . Now, when I'm not home and somebody calls me up . . . they hear a recording of a busy signal.
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I was always making my friends laugh but I never wanted the attention of the whole classroom.
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Why is it lemon juice contains mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?
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Officer, I know I was going faster than 55MPH, but I wasn't going to be on the road an hour.
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The sun never sets on the British Empire. But it rises every morning. The sky must get awfully crowded.
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When I was a fetus, I used to sneak out at night when my mother was sleeping. I figured I should start stealing stuff while I still had no fingerprints.
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My girlfriend does her nails with white-out. When she's asleep, I go over there and write misspelled words on them.
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I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
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Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?
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I'm so hyper. (said with a very dull voice>
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Everything is within walking distance, as long as you have time.
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It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself.
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When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do you have any toy train schedules?
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