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You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Fall
Closed
Book
Notice
Time
Falling
Like
Humor
Eyes
Reading
Eye
Asleep
Funny
Sudden
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I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
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You know how it is when you’re walking up the stairs, and you get to the top, and you think there’s one more step? I’m like that all the time.
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I've been doing comedy longer than I haven't been doing comedy, as I was performing for three years before I even got on 'The Tonight Show.' There's truly nothing like it it's intense and exhilarating, even though it looks so casual.
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I can't stop thinking like this.
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I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes.
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I couldn't find the remote control to the remote control.
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The best kind of friend is the kind you sit with, never say a word and walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you ever had.
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Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
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Why are they called buildings when they’re already finished? Shouldn’t they be called builts?
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Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.
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The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing.
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People may think I'm trying something new by telling stories, but they're just jokes connected to give the illusion of stories. But really, I just continue using my imagination and creating. That's what I do.
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Hermits have no peer pressure.
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I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
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I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
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