Quote

You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Time
Falling
Like
Humor
Eyes
Reading
Eye
Asleep
Funny
Sudden
Fall
Closed
Book
Notice

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Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
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In my house on the ceilings I have paintings of the rooms above... so I never have to go upstairs.
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I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, 'What for?' I said, 'I'm going to buy some sugar.'
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Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
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I wrote a song, but I can't read music so I don't know what it is. Every once in a while I'll be listening to the radio and I say, I think I might have written that.
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Consciousness: That annoying time between naps
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Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring... 'How to Build a Boat.'
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George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk.
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Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, Do I know you?
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When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'
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My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
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I had my coat hangers spayed.
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Is 'tired old cliché' one?
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I saw a sign: Rest Area 25 Miles. That's pretty big. Some people must be really tired.
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I recently went to the hardware store and I bought some used paint... it was in a shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included. So I had to buy them again.
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It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
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If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
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Is it weird in here, or is it just me?
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One day a guy tried to rob me on the street, and I had no money. So I charged him.
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I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting Slinkies on the escalator.
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