Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself.
Steven Wright
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Thought
Ever
Firsts
First
Even
Never
Time
Killing
Love
Learned
More quotes by Steven Wright
I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit a bookmark.
Steven Wright
If I melt dry ice, can I swim without getting wet?
Steven Wright
I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
Steven Wright
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
Steven Wright
I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast.
Steven Wright
The things I talk about and explain couldn't happen - yet, they don't seem impossible - you could say I talk about the world in an abstract perspective. But then, the world is basically insane - and it's trying to pass itself off as being a sane place. I show it for what it is.
Steven Wright
Babies don't need a vacation. But I still see them at the beach. It pisses me off.
Steven Wright
Doing stand-up is like running across a frozen pond with the ice breaking behind you. I love it because it's dangerous.
Steven Wright
I once tried to commit suicide by jumping off a building...I changed my mind at the last minute, so I just flipped over and landed on my feet. Two little kittens nearby saw what happened and one turns to the other and says, See, that's how it's done.
Steven Wright
I went to San Francisco. I found someone’s heart.
Steven Wright
Is it possible to be totally partial?
Steven Wright
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Steven Wright
I bought a house on a one-way dead-end road. I don’t know how I got there.
Steven Wright
I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting Slinkies on the escalator.
Steven Wright
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
Steven Wright
Even snakes are afraid of snakes.
Steven Wright
Do you have any toy train schedules?
Steven Wright
You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time.
Steven Wright
If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?
Steven Wright
I saw a man with a wooden leg and a real foot.
Steven Wright
