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It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Time
Killing
Love
Learned
Thought
Ever
Firsts
First
Even
Never
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Is it possible to be totally partial?
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I didn't tell any of my friends that I wanted to be a comedian, because I was superstitious. I thought if I told people, it wouldn't happen. So I kept it all in my head for years and years.
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Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
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It's very intense to be in front of a live audience. It's just an amazing experience. It's dangerous. Everything out there is heightened. The bad stuff is extra-worse. The silences are extra-silent. The good stuff is amazing. It's electric when you walk out there. For 90 minutes, you're on this other planet.
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I'm so hyper. (said with a very dull voice>
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If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
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Is 'tired old cliché' one?
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I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note. It's a start.
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I had my coat hangers spayed.
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When I was a kid, I never did funny things to get attention. I was never a funny person. I was never, like, 'Oh, wow. I could say this some day on stage.'
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I need one of those baby monitors from my subconscious to my consciousness so I can know what the hell I'm really thinking about.
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I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it.
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In hindsight, I realized I could see into the future. Which is kind of like having premonitions of flashbacks.
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Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don't have film.
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My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
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If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
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My friend Winnie is a procrastinator. He didn't get his birth mark til he was eight years old.
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After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting out of the water?
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What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?
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