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Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Funny
Right
Time
Think
Thinking
Amnesia
Classic
Forgotten
Humor

More quotes by Steven Wright

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In hindsight, I realized I could see into the future. Which is kind of like having premonitions of flashbacks.
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I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
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I didn't tell any of my friends that I wanted to be a comedian, because I was superstitious. I thought if I told people, it wouldn't happen. So I kept it all in my head for years and years.
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I've never seen electricity, that's why I don't pay for it
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Last year we drove across the country...We had one cassette tape to listen to on the entire trip... I don't remember what it was.
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I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology... the study of milkmen.
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A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
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They say we're 98% water. We're that close to drowning. I like to live on the edge.
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OK, so what's the speed of dark?
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The sky is falling. No, I'm tipping over backwards.
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I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast.
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When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask if I'm leaving.
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I liked school, but I used to dread those moments when the teacher would call me up to give an oral report. I forced myself to deal with it and not dwell on the class in front of me - to keep a straight face, give the report and concentrate on getting it right. That's normally how I perform. That's how I am.
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When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?
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I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one – it wasn’t doing what I was doing.
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Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
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I couldn't find the remote control to the remote control.
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If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?
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Is it possible to be totally partial?
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My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
Steven Wright