Quote

You know those things that you throw the twigs into and it spits them out? That's what I do. The branches are like life, and I throw them into my head and some of it comes out as humor.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Life
Twigs
Like
Spit
Branches
Throw
Humor
Head
Comes
Things
Spits

More quotes by Steven Wright

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Why are there five syllables in the word “monosyllabic”?
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The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing.
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I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note. It's a start.
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I went to this restaurant last night that was set up like a big buffet in the shape of an Ouija board. You'd think about what kind of food you want, and the table would move across the floor to it.
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Last year we drove across the country...We had one cassette tape to listen to on the entire trip... I don't remember what it was.
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The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store . . . with a pricing gun. She said, Give me all of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store.
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Hermits have no peer pressure.
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I was born. When I was 23 I started telling jokes. Then I started going on television and doing films. That's still what I am doing. The end.
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I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it.
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It's very intense to be in front of a live audience. It's just an amazing experience. It's dangerous. Everything out there is heightened. The bad stuff is extra-worse. The silences are extra-silent. The good stuff is amazing. It's electric when you walk out there. For 90 minutes, you're on this other planet.
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I eat swiss cheese. But I only nibble on it. I make the holes bigger.
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I forgot and left the lighthouse on all night. Next day the sun wouldn't rise.
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I couldn't find the remote control to the remote control.
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If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
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I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list.
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If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?
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I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.
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After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting out of the water?
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I've been doing comedy longer than I haven't been doing comedy, as I was performing for three years before I even got on 'The Tonight Show.' There's truly nothing like it it's intense and exhilarating, even though it looks so casual.
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In hindsight, I realized I could see into the future. Which is kind of like having premonitions of flashbacks.
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