Quote

You know those things that you throw the twigs into and it spits them out? That's what I do. The branches are like life, and I throw them into my head and some of it comes out as humor.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Throw
Humor
Head
Comes
Things
Spits
Life
Twigs
Like
Spit
Branches

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology... the study of milkmen.
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If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?
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Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.
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Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
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While I was gone, somebody rearranged on the furniture in my bedroom. They put it in exactly the same place it was. When I told my roommate, he said: Do I know you?
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I washed a sock. Then I put it in the dryer. When I took it out, it was gone.
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I went to San Francisco. I found someone’s heart.
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It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
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My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.
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If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
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My friend Sam has one leg. I went to his house. I couldn't go up the stairs.
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I had amnesia once or twice.
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Yeah, but I don't believe everything I read.
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When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety.
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What do batteries run on?
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I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
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I liked school, but I used to dread those moments when the teacher would call me up to give an oral report. I forced myself to deal with it and not dwell on the class in front of me - to keep a straight face, give the report and concentrate on getting it right. That's normally how I perform. That's how I am.
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It's very intense to be in front of a live audience. It's just an amazing experience. It's dangerous. Everything out there is heightened. The bad stuff is extra-worse. The silences are extra-silent. The good stuff is amazing. It's electric when you walk out there. For 90 minutes, you're on this other planet.
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Very rarely do I talk off the top of my head on stage. I'm not an improv guy. I'm a writer-guy who presents what he's written.
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I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you've seen it.
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