Quote

When I was on TV in the '80s, I wasn't thinking, 'There's a 10-year-old kid watching this and in 15 years, he's gonna be doing stuff that was influenced by me.' I was trying to get my five minutes together. So now that those people are comedians and they're influenced by me - it's bizarre.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Kids
Comedian
Together
Gonna
Trying
Watching
Years
Minutes
Thinking
Wasn
People
Year
Comedians
Five
Bizarre
Stuff
Influenced

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I saw a man with a wooden leg and a real foot.
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I'm seeing the world partially through the eyes of a kid. Not all the time. There's no black and white to it. But sometimes I'm seeing it like I'm 4.
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Yeah, but I don't believe everything I read.
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I told her I knew when I was going to die because my birth certificate had an expiration date on it.
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Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?
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I brought a mirror to Lovers' Lane. I told everybody I'm Narcissus.
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I changed my headlights the other day. I put in strobe lights instead! Now when I drive at night, it looks like everyone else is standing still.
Steven Wright
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You know how it is when you’re walking up the stairs, and you get to the top, and you think there’s one more step? I’m like that all the time.
Steven Wright
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Four years ago... no, it was yesterday.
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My grandfather gave me a watch. It doesn't have any hands or numbers. He says it's very accurate. I asked him what time it was. You can guess what he told me.
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When I was a kid I had a friend who worked in a radio station. Whenever we walked under a bridge, you couldn't hear what he said.
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When I was a kid, I never did funny things to get attention. I was never a funny person. I was never, like, 'Oh, wow. I could say this some day on stage.'
Steven Wright
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If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
Steven Wright
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When I was a fetus, I used to sneak out at night when my mother was sleeping. I figured I should start stealing stuff while I still had no fingerprints.
Steven Wright
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I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one – it wasn’t doing what I was doing.
Steven Wright
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I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.
Steven Wright
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always remember your unique, just like everone else
Steven Wright
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At one point he decided enough was enough.
Steven Wright
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After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting out of the water?
Steven Wright
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I was arrested for lip-syncing karaoke.
Steven Wright