Quote

When I was a kid, I never did funny things to get attention. I was never a funny person. I was never, like, 'Oh, wow. I could say this some day on stage.'

Steven Wright

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Persons
Person
Things
Wow
Never
Stage
Like
Attention
Funny
Kids

More quotes by Steven Wright

Image
Having sex with her is incredible. It's just like a concert. We throw Frisbees around the room. And when she wants more she lights a match.
Steven Wright
Image
If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
Steven Wright
Image
I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
Steven Wright
Image
I saw a man with a wooden leg and a real foot.
Steven Wright
Image
My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.
Steven Wright
Image
I’m so tired... I was up all night trying to round off infinity.
Steven Wright
Image
You know how it is when you’re walking up the stairs, and you get to the top, and you think there’s one more step? I’m like that all the time.
Steven Wright
Image
I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.
Steven Wright
Image
I wear my heart on my sleeve. I wear my liver on my pant leg.
Steven Wright
Image
I saw a want ad. light housekeeping. They said Here, change this bulb. I said I'll need some friends.
Steven Wright
Image
Day One: Still tired from the move.
Steven Wright
Image
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
Steven Wright
Image
Is it weird in here, or is it just me?
Steven Wright
Image
I got a garage door opener. It can't close. Just open.
Steven Wright
Image
All of the people in my building are insane. The guy above me designs synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats.
Steven Wright
Image
I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it's like a circus in my head.
Steven Wright
Image
Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
Steven Wright
Image
Black holes result from God dividing the universe by zero.
Steven Wright
Image
I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.
Steven Wright
Image
When I was a fetus, I used to sneak out at night when my mother was sleeping. I figured I should start stealing stuff while I still had no fingerprints.
Steven Wright