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To the audience, it's like I'm changing the subject every five seconds, but to me, my show's almost like a 90-minute song that I know exactly. I wrote every note, and I know exactly where everything is.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Song
Subject
Shows
Exactly
Everything
Subjects
Note
Every
Minutes
Seconds
Like
Almost
Minute
Audience
Changing
Five
Notes
Show
Wrote
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I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.
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A friend of mine is into Voodoo Acupuncture. You don't have to go. You'll just be walking down the street and . . . ooooohhhhhh, that's much better.
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I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
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I Xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra Xerox machine.
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Yesterday, my eyeglass prescription ran out.
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I changed my headlights the other day. I put in strobe lights instead! Now when I drive at night, it looks like everyone else is standing still.
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I had a dream that all the babies prevented by the pill showed up. They were mad.
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I was born. When I was 23 I started telling jokes. Then I started going on television and doing films. That's still what I am doing. The end.
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My house is made out of balsa wood, so when I want to scare the neighborhood kids I lift it over my head and tell them to get out of my yard or I'll throw it at them.
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If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?
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I had amnesia once or twice.
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