Quote

To the audience, it's like I'm changing the subject every five seconds, but to me, my show's almost like a 90-minute song that I know exactly. I wrote every note, and I know exactly where everything is.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Audience
Changing
Five
Notes
Show
Wrote
Song
Subject
Shows
Exactly
Everything
Subjects
Note
Every
Minutes
Seconds
Like
Almost
Minute

More quotes by Steven Wright

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Do fish get cramps after eating?
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I turned my air conditioner the other way around and it got cold out. The weatherman said 'I don't understand it. It was supposed to be 80 degrees out today.' I said, oops
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You know what scares me? When you have to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenic, just because she lives in your head.
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I feel lucky that I can have people laugh solidly for a whole hour by just saying what I think and getting paid for it.
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Last year we drove across the country...We had one cassette tape to listen to on the entire trip... I don't remember what it was.
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If you are killing time, are you damaging eternity?
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My aunt gave me a walkie-talkie for my birthday. She says if I'm good, she'll give me the other one next year.
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People may think I'm trying something new by telling stories, but they're just jokes connected to give the illusion of stories. But really, I just continue using my imagination and creating. That's what I do.
Steven Wright
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Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring... 'How to Build a Boat.'
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It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.
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I don't get up, get dressed, go out, and think, 'Okay, I gotta find eight jokes.'
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While I was gone, somebody rearranged on the furniture in my bedroom. They put it in exactly the same place it was. When I told my roommate, he said: Do I know you?
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If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
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I made a chocolate cake with white chocolate. Then I took it to a potluck. I stood in line for some cake. They said, Do you want white cake or chocolate cake? I said, yes.
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I wish, when I was first born, the first thing I said was Quote so the last thing I said before I died would be Unquote.
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I liked school, but I used to dread those moments when the teacher would call me up to give an oral report. I forced myself to deal with it and not dwell on the class in front of me - to keep a straight face, give the report and concentrate on getting it right. That's normally how I perform. That's how I am.
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Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?
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My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon's appointments.
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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
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I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.
Steven Wright