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People may think I'm trying something new by telling stories, but they're just jokes connected to give the illusion of stories. But really, I just continue using my imagination and creating. That's what I do.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
People
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Using
May
Jokes
Giving
Illusion
Trying
Telling
Something
Continue
Really
Creating
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Imagination
Thinking
Stories
Connected
More quotes by Steven Wright
My act is an exaggeration of a part of me. I'm much more expressive off stage.
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I hate it when my leg falls asleep. I know that means it's going to be up all night.
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Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as '4's'?
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You know how it is when you’re walking up the stairs, and you get to the top, and you think there’s one more step? I’m like that all the time.
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My school colors were clear. We used to say, 'I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
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Real life? Well, I just hope mine isn't investigated. They might find that I don't really exist - that I'm just a hologram.
Steven Wright
The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing.
Steven Wright
Why do banks charge you a non-sufficient funds fee on money they already know you don't have?
Steven Wright
I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'll use it.
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I took a baby shower.
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How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
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I have not lost my mind - it's backed up on disk somewhere.
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Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery's dead?
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Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?
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I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back.
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I always thought Johnny Carson was just brilliant, and I used to watch him and all the comics that would be on the show every night - and I'd dream about it being me.
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Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
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I'm kinda tired. I was up all night trying to round off infinity. Then I got bored and went out and painted passing lines on curved roads.
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I bought some powdered water, but I don’t know what to add.
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I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it.
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