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People may think I'm trying something new by telling stories, but they're just jokes connected to give the illusion of stories. But really, I just continue using my imagination and creating. That's what I do.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
May
Jokes
Giving
Illusion
Trying
Telling
Something
Continue
Really
Creating
Think
Imagination
Thinking
Stories
Connected
People
Give
Using
More quotes by Steven Wright
I took a baby shower.
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All the plants in my house are dead - I shot them last night. I was teasing them by watering them with ice cubes.
Steven Wright
I forgot and left the lighthouse on all night. Next day the sun wouldn't rise.
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I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
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I saw a close friend of mine the other day. . . . He said, Stephen, why haven't you called me? I said, I can't call everyone I want. My new phone has no five on it. He said, How long have you had it? I said, I don't know . . . my calendar has no sevens on it.
Steven Wright
I don't go off and sit down and try to write material, because then it's contrived and forced. I just live my life, and I see things in a word or a situation or a concept, and it will create a joke for me.
Steven Wright
I turned my air conditioner the other way around and it got cold out. The weatherman said 'I don't understand it. It was supposed to be 80 degrees out today.' I said, oops
Steven Wright
I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
Steven Wright
My act is an exaggeration of a part of me. I'm much more expressive off stage.
Steven Wright
Do you have any toy train schedules?
Steven Wright
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
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George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk.
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I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.
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Yesterday, my eyeglass prescription ran out.
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If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
Steven Wright
Women... can't live with 'em...... can't shoot 'em
Steven Wright
I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list.
Steven Wright
You know those things that you throw the twigs into and it spits them out? That's what I do. The branches are like life, and I throw them into my head and some of it comes out as humor.
Steven Wright
What do batteries run on?
Steven Wright
I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.
Steven Wright
