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I've been doing comedy longer than I haven't been doing comedy, as I was performing for three years before I even got on 'The Tonight Show.' There's truly nothing like it it's intense and exhilarating, even though it looks so casual.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Like
Though
Tonight
Show
Performing
Shows
Intense
Three
Havens
Nothing
Haven
Looks
Truly
Even
Longer
Exhilarating
Years
Comedy
Casual

More quotes by Steven Wright

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When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.
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My house is made out of balsa wood, so when I want to scare the neighborhood kids I lift it over my head and tell them to get out of my yard or I'll throw it at them.
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Officer, I know I was going faster than 55MPH, but I wasn't going to be on the road an hour.
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I'm addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn't matter.
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I was watching the Superbowl with my 92 year old grandfather. The team scored a touchdown. They showed the instant replay. He thought they scored another one. I was gonna tell him, but I figured the game HE was watching was better.
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I don't get up, get dressed, go out, and think, 'Okay, I gotta find eight jokes.'
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They say we're 98% water. We're that close to drowning. I like to live on the edge.
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You know the old joke, I went to the fights and a hockey game broke out.
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I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, 'What for?' I said, 'I'm going to buy some sugar.'
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I always thought Johnny Carson was just brilliant, and I used to watch him and all the comics that would be on the show every night - and I'd dream about it being me.
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I live at the end of a dead end one way street. I don't know how I got there.
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Snakes have no arms. That's why they don't wear vests.
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If I melt dry ice, can I swim without getting wet?
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I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.
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Hermits have no peer pressure.
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I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast.
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I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit a bookmark.
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Sometimes I wish my first word was 'quote,' so that on my death bed, my last words could be 'end quote.'
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I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates.
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Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.
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