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I've been doing comedy longer than I haven't been doing comedy, as I was performing for three years before I even got on 'The Tonight Show.' There's truly nothing like it it's intense and exhilarating, even though it looks so casual.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Shows
Intense
Three
Havens
Nothing
Haven
Looks
Truly
Even
Longer
Exhilarating
Years
Comedy
Casual
Like
Though
Tonight
Show
Performing
More quotes by Steven Wright
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
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I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list.
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When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually.
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I got a garage door opener. It can't close. Just open.
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I've been thinking of humorous things since I was... I can't remember when. All the way through elementary school, all the way through junior high, all the way through high school, through college and after college, I was thinking of the same kinds of things that I say in front of an audience now.
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I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
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Officer, I know I was going faster than 55MPH, but I wasn't going to be on the road an hour.
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I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.
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I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
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Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?
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I washed mud off of mud.
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I can't stop thinking like this.
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If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?
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I'm used to seeing it, but it's weird having an Academy Award. You usually only see one of them on the TV show when they give them out, so it's kind of surreal to have one in your house.
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My school colors were clear. We used to say, 'I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
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I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
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The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store . . . with a pricing gun. She said, Give me all of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store.
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Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
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Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.
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I went to this restaurant last night that was set up like a big buffet in the shape of an Ouija board. You'd think about what kind of food you want, and the table would move across the floor to it.
Steven Wright
