Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
I'm used to seeing it, but it's weird having an Academy Award. You usually only see one of them on the TV show when they give them out, so it's kind of surreal to have one in your house.
Steven Wright
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Shows
Award
Used
Academy
Give
Awards
Giving
Weird
Kind
Usually
Seeing
Show
House
Surreal
More quotes by Steven Wright
What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?
Steven Wright
Day One: Still tired from the move.
Steven Wright
I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
Steven Wright
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
Steven Wright
I wish, when I was first born, the first thing I said was Quote so the last thing I said before I died would be Unquote.
Steven Wright
The other day, I was walking my dog around my building . . . on the ledge. Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
Steven Wright
Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
Steven Wright
I brought a mirror to Lovers' Lane. I told everybody I'm Narcissus.
Steven Wright
I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'
Steven Wright
I have a fax machine with fax waiting.
Steven Wright
My aunt gave me a walkie-talkie for my birthday. She says if I'm good, she'll give me the other one next year.
Steven Wright
My girlfriend's weird. One day she asked me, 'If you could know how and when you were going to die, would you want to know?' I said, 'No.' She said, 'Okay, forget it.
Steven Wright
I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.
Steven Wright
I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it's like a circus in my head.
Steven Wright
The sky is falling. No, I'm tipping over backwards.
Steven Wright
I got pulled over by a cop, and he said, 'do you know the speed limit here is 55 miles per hour?'. So I said, 'oh, that's OK, I'm not going that far.'
Steven Wright
Only one in four jokes ever works, and I still can't predict what people will laugh at.
Steven Wright
I told her I knew when I was going to die because my birth certificate had an expiration date on it.
Steven Wright
At one point he decided enough was enough.
Steven Wright
Very rarely do I talk off the top of my head on stage. I'm not an improv guy. I'm a writer-guy who presents what he's written.
Steven Wright